Discussion in 'World News / Current Events Forum' started by API, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. API

    API PAF-CA Flyway Moderator Flyway Manager

    Dec 29, 2008
    Maybe a bit tongue in cheek, but can ya visualize the possibilities for events in 2059...

    News Headlines... 2059
    • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.
    • White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.
    • Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.
    • Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
    • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
    • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
    • France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
    • Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
    • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.
    • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
    • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
    • 85-year and $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
    • Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
    • Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :l
    • Abortion clinics now available in every High School in The United States.
    • Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR, even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open Tuesdays and Fridays.
    • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
    • Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
    • A Couple Finally Achieved Sexual Harmony.They had simultaneous headaches.
    • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet ft. seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.
    • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.
    • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
    • Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
    Uhhhhhhh.... author unknown. :rolleyes:

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