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Discussion in 'Alabama Flyway Forum' started by opiejoe, Jul 31, 2005.

  1. jfe

    jfe Banned

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Tuscaloosa, AL
    Q: What's the smallest book in the world?
    A: The Awbun book of football heros.

    Q: What is the differce between a Awbun Cheerleader and a heifer?
    A: 20 pounds.

    Q: How do you make them the same?
    A: Forcefeed the heifer.

    Q: How many Awbies does it take to change a light bulb?
    A1: None. They just stand around and threaten it.

    A2: None. That's a sophomore course. Q: What do you call 12 angry men in an Awboville courtroom?
    A: The harvesting crew.

    Q: Why don't Awbies water ski?
    A: They can find any pools that slope.

    Q: What do you call a dead Awbie in a closet?
    A: 1985 Hide-n-Seek champion!

    Q: How do you starve an Awbie?
    A: Hide the food stamps under the soap.

    Q: How is being at an Awbun bar different than being at a circus?
    A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.

    Q: Did you hear about Bo Jackson getting a new car?
    A: It has 2 left turn signals!

    Q: Did you hear about the two auburn football players that died at the drive-in last week?
    A: They were waiting for the movie "Closed for the Winter" to start!

    Q: What do you get when you cross an Awbun cheerleader with a convertable?
    A: An ugly girl who's top comes off easily.

    Q: What do you have with 159 parents, 21 kids, and a couple of dozen farm animals in 1 room?
    A: A normal PTA meeting in Awboville?

    Q: What's blue and orange, lies on the other side of the road, and stinks?
    A: A dead Awbu fan.

    Q: How can you tell a 1st Grade Primer is from Awboville?
    A: Jane's a dog, too.

    Q: Why did the Wwb spend 3 hrs in the car wash?
    A: He thought it was raining too hard, so he didn't go anywhere.

    Q: What does an Awb fisherman do when his boat springs a leak?
    A: Drills a hole in the other end to let the water out.

    Q: What do you get when you cross a white rat with an Awbun coed?
    A: There are some things even a rat won't do!

    Q: Why do Awbun alumni hang their diplomas on the rear view mirror.
    A: So they can use handicapped parking.

    Q: What's the difference between an Awb and a new dog?
    A: After a year, the dog is still happy to see you.

    Q: What is the differance between an Awbun grad and a bucket of crap?
    A: The bucket.

    Q: If an Alabama grad and an Awbun grad were standing on top of a tall tower, how could you tell them apart?
    A: The Alabama grad would never throw crumbs to the helicopters.

    Q: Do you know why they don't let students drive at Awbun?
    A: They keep getting their legs caught in the steering wheel while trying to use the dimmer switch.

    Q: Heard Terry Bowden was only dressing 15 players for the football game.
    A: Yeah...supposedly, the rest can dress themselves!

    Q: How can you tell when an Awbie is a married man?
    A: There will be chawing tobacco juice running down both doors of his pickup!

    Q: Why do Awbies sing when they use the restroom?
    A: So they know which end to wipe when there finished.

    Q: What does an Awbun grad call an Alabama grad?
    A: "Boss"

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed Awbunite?
    A: Trustworthy.

    Q: Why are Awbunite like commercials?
    A: You can't believe a word they say.

    Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed Awbie?
    A: The department store worker did a nice job picking out his clothes.

    Q: What is the difference between an Awbie and childbirth?
    A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

    Q: Did you hear the one about the Awbie that pulled a 5 pounder outa his nose?
    A: His head imploded before he could eat it.

    Q: What is the difference between a 40-year-old Bama grad and a 40-year-old Awbun grad?
    A: The 40-yr-old Bama grad thinks often of having children and the 40-yr-old Awbun grad thinks often about dating them, especially when they are family related.

    Q: What is the difference between an Awbun divorce and tornado?
    A: I don't know either but someone's gonna loose a trailer.

    Q: Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?
    A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday...They can wear it when they go hunting on Sunday...and they can wear it to work on Monday when they're picking up garbage at the roadside!

    Q: Why are the Awbun cheerleaders no longer invited to Alabama home games?
    A: Too hard to stop them from grazing on the field after the halftime show is over.

    Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on the Awbu campus?
    A: A visitor.

    Q: What did the Awbie say when he caught his wife making love to his best friend?
    A: Down Fido!

    Q: Why don't they serve ice water at Awbun football games anymore?
    A: The guy with the recipe died.

    Q: What's the difference between Awbun men and Awbun Coeds?
    A: The men can spit further.

    Q: 3 football players are riding in a car: 1 from Awbun, 1 from Tennessee, and 1 from Florida. Who's driving?
    A: The State Trooper.

    Q: How can you tell an Awbie coyote?
    A: He's chewed off 3 legs, and he's still in the trap.

    Q: Did you hear about the Awbun faith healer?
    A: He made the blind lame.

    Q: How many Awbun fans does it take to change a tire?
    A: Four - one to change the tire and three to reminisce about the old one!

    Q: Did you hear about the Awbie who started his own circus?
    A: His star sideshow performer was the bearded man.

    Q: How do you know when you're staying in an Awbun hotel?
    A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink", the Awbie at the desk says, "Go ahead."

    Q: What do Tennessee fans call I-59,I-24,I-75,I-40 from Birmingham to Knoxville?
    A: The trail of Tears.

    Q: How do you come to own a small business in Alabama?
    A: Start a large business and put an Awbun grad in charge of it.

    Q: Did you hear about the Awbun grad who joined the Navy?
    A: He was on shore leave and spent $50 to spend the night in a warehouse.

    Q: What's a grudge?
    A: The place where a Awbun fan parks his car.

    Q: How many Awbun fans does it take to replace a light bulb?
    A: Three, one to change it a two to talk about how good the old one was.

    Q: How long does an Awbie play football?
    A: Until he gets caught doing things the Awbun way (probation).

    Q: Do you know what they are putting on the bottom of coke bottles at Awbun?
    A: Open other end.

    Q: How about the new Awbun student driving to school and ran across a highway sign just out of town that said "Awbun left"?
    A: He turned around and went back home...

    Q: Did you hear about the Awb who was elected dogcatcher?
    A: He knew he was supposed to catch dogs ... but he didn't know at what.

    Q: What's the difference between a awbum fan and a drunk?
    A: The drunk doesn't go to team meetings.

    Q: Why don't secretaries at Awbun get coffee breaks?
    A: Costs too much to retrain them.

    Q: Why can't Awbun Alum make chocolate chip cookies?
    A: Takes too long to peel the M&Ms.

    Q: Whats the similarity between an inteligent Awbun fan and superman?
    A: Neither of them exist!

    Q: Do you know why the War Eagle died?
    A: It starved to death - the Awbun players were supposed to feed it on the way to CLASS!

    Q: What did the Awbun city council do to slow the birth rate down in Awbun?
    A: They outlawed family reunions.

    Q: What do you call 32 Awbun coeds lined up?
    A: A full set of teeth!

    Q: Did you hear that Awbun has found a new use for sheep?
    A: Yeah ... wool!

    Q: Do you know how to tell which girls at Awbun are level headed?
    A: The snuff runs out of both corners of her mouth.

    Q: Did you hear about the Awbie who crossed a turkey with a porcupine?
    A: He wanted to save time pickin' his tooth at Thanksgivin'!

    Q: What does Auburn's football team and a tampon have in common?
    A: They both are only good for one period and have one string.

    Q: What's dumb?
    A: Directions on toilet paper.

    Q: What's dumber than that?
    A: An Awbie reading them.

    Q: Even dumber?
    A: An Awbie reading them and learning something.

    Q: Dumbest of all?
    A: An Awbie reading them and having to correct something they've been doing wrong!

    Q: What does it mean when an Auburn baby drools out of both sides of its mouth?
    A: It means the trailer is level.

    Q: Why does an Auburn grad whistle while he's taking a crap?
    A: So he knows which end to wipe when he's done.

    Q: Did you hear that the President's Mansion at Auburn burned down last night?
    A: Yep... and it almost destroyed the rest of the trailer park, too!

    Q: How do you confuse an Awbun laborer?
    A: Lay down three shovels and tell him to take his pick.

    Q: How can you tell if an Awbun grad has sent you a fax?
    A: There's a stamp on it!

    Q: What is long and hard on an Aubie?
    A. The first grade.

    Q. What did the Awbie say when he caught his wife making love to his best friend?
    A. Down Fido!

    Q. Why doesn't the Awburn football team have its own webpage?
    A. Because they can't put 3 W's together.

    Q. What's the difference between a dead Aubie in the middle of the road and a dead Vandy Commodore in the middle of the road?
    A. The Commodore may have been on the way to the SEC Championship Game.

    Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
    A: They had pictures of Auburn players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

    Q: What's the difference between a female Auburn fan and a pit bull?
    A: Lipstick.

    Q: If you see an Auburn fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
    A: It might be your bicycle.

    Q: What do you have when 100 Auburn fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
    A: Not enough sand.

    Q: What is the difference between a Auburn fan and a trampoline?
    A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

    Q: What is the diff between an Auburn cheerleader and hippo.
    A: 50 pounds and a sweaty Tee shirt

    Q: Did you hear about the Florida linebacker that stole a police car?
    A: He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

    Q : Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
    A: Knoxville, TN. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman trophy winner there.

    Q: Why do Awbun cheerleaders wear bibs?
    A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

    Q: What does the average Awbun football player get on his SAT?
    A: Drool
     
  2. opiejoe

    opiejoe Senior Refuge Member

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    Location:
    Deatsville, AL
    Excellent :tu

    ROLL TIDE
     
  3. Bamawebfoot

    Bamawebfoot Moderator Moderator

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    Location:
    Tennessee River and the Mississippi Delta
    I haven't even looked at this thread until now, I thought it was about the upcoming "Duck Killing Season". :tu I should have known better, only a football thread would get that many replies to it. :no :l
     
  4. jfe

    jfe Banned

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  5. singleshot1

    singleshot1 Senior Refuge Member

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    Huntsville, AL
    :l :l :l

    Every clip in that video was at least 10 years old!! :clap
     
  6. augustus_65

    augustus_65 Elite Refuge Member

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    Those were the most recent highlights they could find. :dv
     
  7. jfe

    jfe Banned

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    Oh yeah??? Well...I uhhh....ummm..you Auburn uhhhh...

    ///I got nothing...
     
  8. augustus_65

    augustus_65 Elite Refuge Member

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    :clap I applaude your enthusiasm and alacrity in posting so promptly after my post, even if it does lack content. :nutz
     
  9. dixielabs

    dixielabs Elite Refuge Member

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    Location:
    Prattville, AL
    WAR EAGLE! :grvn
     
  10. bigsprig

    bigsprig Refuge Member

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    Mar 9, 2005
    Location:
    ms/al
    As a man with a higher education from the plains, I think we just need to remind the bama boys of the recent past. We all know that they haven't moved into this decade yet! You won the first half of last year's iron bowl. Congratulations. Everybody has to start somewhere. Another moral victory. Too bad those don't count on the record. This is a large file, but worth the download for all the tiger faithfuls. Caution to bama fans: the contents of this file may make you cry and will definitely remind you who won the rest of last year's iron bowl!

    http://www.centralmsauburnclub.com/UGA-UA.mpg
     

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