Char's Barn

Discussion in 'Hunters Rights Forum' started by Charolais, Feb 15, 2002.

  1. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    and your point is?

    Gawd, someone is sending me some huge attachment down the email pipe.........

    This better be a good one.
  2. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    General Motors vs. Microsoft

    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared
    the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept
    up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
    driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

    response to Mr. Gates' comments, General Motors issued the following
    press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO) "If GM had developed
    technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
    following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car
    would crash twice daily.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have
    to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would
    cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
    would have to reinstall the engine.

    4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
    "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy
    more seats.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,
    reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

    6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would
    be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.

    7. New seats would force everyone to have the same size bottom.

    8. The airbag system would say ("Are you sure?" before going off).

    9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
    out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
    handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set
    of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they
    neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
    immediately cause the
    car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become
    a target for investigation by the Justice department.

    11. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn

    how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate
    in the same manner as the old car.

    12. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine
  3. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    McDonnell Douglas Joke

    This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an
    employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course,
    does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it down
    immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too....

    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
    protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
    registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but
    the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs
    and desires.

    1. [_] Mr.
    [_] Mrs.
    [_] Ms.
    [_] Miss
    [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade
    [_] Classified
    [_] Other
    First Name:....................................................
    Initial: ........
    Last Name......................................................
    Password: .......................... (max. 8 char)
    Code Name: ....................................................
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ..................

    2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified

    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......../........ /......

    4. Serial Number:................................................

    5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
    [_] Received as gift / aid package
    [_] Catalogue / showroom
    [_] Independent arms broker
    [_] Mail order
    [_] Discount store
    [_] Government surplus
    [_] Classified

    6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas you
    have just purchased:
    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    [_] Store display
    [_] Espionage
    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    [_] Was attacked by one

    7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
    decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    [_] Style / appearance
    [_] Speed / maneuverability
    [_] Price / value
    [_] Comfort / convenience
    [_] Kickback / bribe
    [_] Recommended by salesperson
    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    [_] Backroom politics
    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

    8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
    [_] North America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Aircraft carrier
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Europe
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Africa
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Asia / Far East
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Misc. Third World countries
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Classified
    [_] Iraq

    9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
    purchase in the near future:
    [_] Color TV
    [_] VCR
    [_] ICBM
    [_] Killer Satellite
    [_] CD Player
    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
    [_] Space Shuttle
    [_] Home Computer
    [_] Nuclear Weapon

    10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
    that apply)
    [_] Communist / Socialist
    [_] Terrorist
    [_] Crazed
    [_] Neutral
    [_] Democratic
    [_] Dictatorship
    [_] Corrupt
    [_] Primitive / Tribal

    11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    [_] Deficit spending
    [_] Cash
    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    [_] Oil revenues
    [_] Personal cheque
    [_] Credit card
    [_] Ransom money
    [_] Traveler’s check

    12. Your occupation:
    [_] Homemaker
    [_] Sales / marketing
    [_] Revolutionary
    [_] Clerical
    [_] Mercenary
    [_] Tyrant
    [_] Middle management
    [_] Eccentric billionaire
    [_] Defense Minister / General
    [_] Retired
    [_] Student

    13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
    interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
    participating on a regular basis:
    [_] Golf
    [_] Boating / sailing
    [_] Sabotage
    [_] Running / jogging
    [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    [_] Destabilization / overthrow
    [_] Default on loans
    [_] Gardening
    [_] Crafts
    [_] Black market / smuggling
    [_] Collectibles / collections
    [_] Watching sports on TV
    [_] Wines
    [_] Interrogation / torture
    [_] Household pets
    [_] Crushing rebellions
    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    [_] Fashion clothing
    [_] Border disputes
    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

    Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will
    be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in
    the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers
    from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

    As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand
    new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

    Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
    McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division

    IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
    named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or
    unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of
    humor or irrational religious beliefs.

    If you are not the intended recipient,
    any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized
    (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
    pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
    somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical
    use and may be ignored.

    No animals were harmed in the transmission of this
    email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell
    you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
    learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
    backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

    However, by pouring
    a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that
    no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error,
    please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40
    minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.
  4. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    My Shoot the Poop board has been on downtime so much I got fed up with the entire site and moved the community.

    If anyone wants to come on over, take off yer shoes (on second thought, keep 'em on) loosen yer shorts up a bit and hang out, you are welcome to come and join us.

    It's too bad, cause out of over 3300 message boards, mine was number 47- but I'm sick of them not feeding the hamsters that run the servers (gonna call PETA tomorrow, I am!)

    If ya wanna go play on the other boards over there, register as a "global" user, if not do the local thing.

    Hope to see some of you all over there, and please........ do have some fun, fun, fun till I take yer T-bird away.

    So, if ya wanna come play with me, I'm over here!

  5. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    jeez, this was getting buried to the bottom of the pile.
  6. The Other David

    The Other David Elite Refuge Member

    Apr 15, 2000
    You should stop by and say hello more often!
  7. Charolais

    Charolais Guest

    too many boards, not enough time.

    besides, actually talking to you is much more satisfying.


Share This Page