Levity with English

Discussion in 'Political Action Forum' started by API, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. API

    API Political Action Forum Moderator Flyway Manager

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    Is English is a funny language or what? An awesome find from @WoodieSC...

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?​
     
  2. Greenhedges

    Greenhedges Elite Refuge Member

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    "Real news vs Fake news....:l
     
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  3. widgeon

    widgeon Elite Refuge Member

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    Don't even get me started about silent letters. Like Knife, ewe know?
     
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  4. Bear

    Bear Elite Refuge Member

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    Look up the definition for "up".

    If you've got some free time to read them all.

    An English professor was lecturing his class about how a negative expression could be used to have a positive meaning but no positive expression could indicate a negative meaning.

    The next thing he heard was a student saying..."Yeah...sure."
     
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  5. Bear

    Bear Elite Refuge Member

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    Do you always use an "a" for a word beginning with a consonant and an "an" for a word begining with a vowel?

    Inquiring minds want too know.

    What about ending a sentence in a preposition?

    Inquiring minds want too know to.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
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  6. stevena198301

    stevena198301 Elite Refuge Member Supporting Member

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    Gallagher and Carlin come to mind again...

    We were just having this conversation with the kids a few weeks ago.
     
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  7. WoodieSC

    WoodieSC North/South Carolina Flyway Forum Moderator Flyway Manager

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    Yeah, I've always wanted some confirmation on these two conundrums, also... :l

    Glad you enjoyed it, API! :tu
     
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  8. Bear

    Bear Elite Refuge Member

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    A universe displayed in an umbrella of stars. If the consonant/vowel or vice-versa takes a vowel sound then it is preceded by an "an". If the vowel takes on a consonant sound it gets an "a".

    The rule of not ending a sentence with a preposition is a vestigial tag of the old Latin grammar rules. However, the rule is considered invalid because English is not Latin. Some universities still teach the rule...others don't.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
  9. WoodieSC

    WoodieSC North/South Carolina Flyway Forum Moderator Flyway Manager

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    Ahh... I need to tattoo that first one on my arm... LOL Thanks!

    Glad to hear about the second 'rule'. Even though I had "Advanced English" courses in HS, I've forgotten more than I think I remember so just type what I think and try to read it back to myself and see if it seems to make sense. :yes
     
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  10. Bear

    Bear Elite Refuge Member

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    And that's the reason you see "edited" on most everything I post. :D

    I swear to God...we were at Disneyworld and I was videotaping the fireworks at the castle. My Wife asked me if I was able to record the display and my Texas twang response was something like..."I don't think I ain't getting none." I could hear my poor sainted Momma groaning from her grave.
     
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