15 YO Drinking

[Woodduck31]

Our two boys were totally different. The older pushed the limit while the younger was never a problem. There were no rules about alcohol. We didn’t drink and didn’t see it coming with the older. First time was when he was late coming home and had driven home drunk. The younger doesn’t drink. The older married poorly and has gone from alcohol to drugs and blew a $100k job and now floundering in debt. The younger works with me every day unless he’s guiding fly fishermen or me. The younger likes being around us and we hear very little from the older, his kids don’t know who we are. I don’t think there is a one size fits all as far as discipline. I really feel like our older son has never liked us or cared anything about our values.

 

[slimm21]

I believe in my area we've seen a shift the past 10-15 years. It used to be almost every teenage demo was drinking. Now, the good students and athletes seem to be doing less of it and the "outcasts" are the ones picking up the slack. The explanation from my coaching and parent friends is that Social Media is partially responsible (finally something good). Theory goes that it's so easy for someone to snap a pic of you these days that if you're serious about school/sports you know you're gonna get busted so you stay away from it.

Agree with everyone here that highlights the call if you need a ride talk.

 

[Small Bore Hunter]

I was lucky that I never got caught drinking or smoking. When dad found an empty pack of cigarettes of my mothers brand in the back field and she had not been in the field in years, he asked my younger brother, how they got there and he said "they must have fell out of an airplane"? That did not go over. My step son house set once when we went out of town and had a beer party. Threw the empty bottles in edge of corn field beside drive to garage. His mother never said a work to him.

 

[num70]

I really feel like our older son has never liked us or cared anything about our values.

I don't know anything about your situation so take it for what it's worth...
I've known two people who sound exactly like you describe your oldest.
Both had underlying mental issues and depression/anxiety that they medicated with drugs/alcohol.
That same anxiety made it damn near impossible for them to communicate meaningfully with loved ones.
So again, I have no idea...and I'm not saying you're wrong...I'm just saying that maybe it's not that he doesn't "like" you. Maybe it's that he's struggling and really hates himself. He might feel like a failure and (I speak from experience) when you feel like that, it makes it real hard to have a heartfelt relationship with your parents or anyone else.
I wish you all the best with the situation and encourage you to keep trying.

 

[bullpinnie]

I don't know anything about your situation so take it for what it's worth...
I've known two people who sound exactly like you describe your oldest.
Both had underlying mental issues and depression/anxiety that they medicated with drugs/alcohol.
That same anxiety made it damn near impossible for them to communicate meaningfully with loved ones.
So again, I have no idea...and I'm not saying you're wrong...I'm just saying that maybe it's not that he doesn't "like" you. Maybe it's that he's struggling and really hates himself. He might feel like a failure and (I speak from experience) when you feel like that, it makes it real hard to have a heartfelt relationship with your parents or anyone else.
I wish you all the best with the situation and encourage you to keep trying.

I joke around about by upbringing, and my parents both being alcoholics, but i assure you that it was less than ideal growing up, and its certainly not the behavior that I modeled for my kids. ..........One of my brothers probably has probably been an alcohol/ drug addict since he was about fourteen, or fifteen.......he was self-medicating. He is 60 years old, and just got out his 3rd, or 4th stint in rehab. This time, he was in for 6 months, and has been living in a sober living facility a little over a month. This is the longest he has been sober since he was 12 or 13 years old.

 

[Small Bore Hunter]

I joke around about by upbringing, and my parents both being alcoholics, but i assure you that it was less than ideal growing up, and its certainly not the behavior that I modeled for my kids. ..........One of my brothers probably has probably been an alcohol/ drug addict since he was about fourteen, or fifteen.......he was self-medicating. He is 60 years old, and just got out his 3rd, or 4th stint in rehab. This time, he was in for 6 months, and has been living in a sober living facility a little over a month. This is the longest he has been sober since he was 12 or 13 years old.

So sad and I feel for you.

 

[OGblackcloud]

Congratulations to your Brother 1 day at a time . Nobody else can fix you you have to want to do it for yourself .

 

[bullpinnie]

So sad and I feel for you.

I'm not complaining. My folks gave us plenty of love, and imparted us with good values in spite of being alcoholics ( my mother has always been very religious) . My dad made time to take us hunting and fishing, and my mom did the best she could............. I turned out okay.

 

[Adduckted]

I'm 50 years old. Alcohol was never a taboo in my family growing up. My father had a drink EVERY night as soon as he came home from work. He and my grandfather's would have a drink before the kids came downstairs on Christmas Morning. I had my first "legal" drink (the one he asked me to have with him) at 13, Turkey 101 on the rocks with a splash. Shockingly, I loved it and still do. Like someone else said, from that day forward my parents let me drink at the house with them, one glass of wine with dinner, one beer on the porch, even a whiskey or G&T from time to time. Alcohol was consumed and never taken for granted. I don't think I ever saw Pop's drunk.

When highschool came around and all my friends were drinking garbage at a party (wine coolers, Boones Farm and cheap beer), I would pass unless I could stay overnight, cause my folks always said, "We don't care if you drink, we will even buy it for you, but stay where you are going or call us, but DO NOT DRIVE!" If I had driven, they would have taken my car and Lord knows what else.

Fast forward, I have 3 kids of my own. Two sons and a step daughter (she call's me Dad), ages 17-22. Alcohol has ALWAYS been in the house, I have a couple every night. The boys don't care a thing in the world about booze, they saw their mother get blotto too much. The step daughter likes a drink, but keeps it low key.

Bottom line. Kid is probably hurting enough on the rum. Have a drink with him and teach him to respect it. Alcohol can be a mighty fine friend, it can also kill you. If its not a mystery, then the kids will usually not seek it out.

 

[3B209]

been in a similar situation, as the kid. Talk with him, and take his board away for a few weeks. Tell him it was dumb and it hurts you, so its only fair that he misses shredding for awhile which is dumb and hurts him...